Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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