I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
