tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
