i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
