the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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