Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
