WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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