I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Who wears a wallet chain?!
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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