i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He felt like a one man threesome
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
