I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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