the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
The feeling are messing with the penis
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
