ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
