My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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