tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize