only if we run a train.
done.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
