I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
