This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
