whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We're too hungover to prance.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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