Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
