whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
