no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
There r osticjed everywhere
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
