I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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