this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
