He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
