so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
