Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
