no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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