Some one left their pants in the elevator.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
