Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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