Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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