lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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