does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
