and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
