The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
