well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
