We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
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whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
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Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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