I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
