I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
