Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
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I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
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