i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
