Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
