thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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