So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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