my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
