I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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