Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
