when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
