He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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