SEEEEXXX PLEASE
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
