If i come over, it means nothing
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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