One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
