I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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