He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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