at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
