Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
