New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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