Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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