Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
