Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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