Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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