Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
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