The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
