my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Who died my cat blue again?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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