Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
