I didn't shave. On purpose
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
