dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
