god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
