I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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