Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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