like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Randomize
