When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
