he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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